MY BOY

Dear Tell All,

Viva Radio Me + You Alumni and My Ex Internet BF, Cody Louise Critcheloe Leon finally made it to Hollywood! He is so major that he has been the next big thing since he was born! When it comes to coolness, gayness, performance art, regular art, video makin, album cover drawin and good old fashion O.T.T. stage shows….he is THE BOY FRIDAY.

This Saturday will probably be the last time that common people can be within 5 feet of him and shake his hand cause by next year Lady GaGa will be opening up for him!!!!! So if you are in LA and you want to keep your finger on the pulse of pop The Ssion Boy Pemere at Peres Projects is the place to be!!!!!

PS: Heres the Info:
SSION
“BOY”
Peres Projects
2766 S La Cienega Blvd
Los Angeles
January 16 – April 3, 2010
Opening Reception: Saturday, January 16, 2010, 6pm – 9pm

Back to My Roots

Dear Tell All,

I recently decided to re trace the steps of my childhood. I traveled from the Coal Barons of Central Pennsylvania where I was a coal miners daughter who turned to the streets of Philadelphia where I moonlighted as a Phone Sex Operator…..to the velvet rope night clubs of The Big Apple where I became the gayest rapper ever…..to the neon dripping lights and the cameras of the Sunset Strip where I’m now living my Hollywood Dream. My Grandma Tootie said that a picture is worth 1000 words so here is my photo diary:

Tootie is soooo punk and Im such a Square!

Me and my Pappy a la Truth or Dare “Oh Father” Scene!

Ate a traditional Polish Meal

The Queen Of Poland

My childhood home

My biological Daddy, Hank Makeup

Memories of a teenage runaway who fled town to tour the night club circuit

My Cousin who I used to give BJs to!!!!

Philadelphia Cheese Steak Eggroll!

Went shopping at Trash and Vaudville and caught a glimpse of Jimmy, one of my fave NYC staples

Even though Hollywood is my newest home, my spirit is alive and well in my Daddy’s NYC Flagship American Apparel Store!

I also got to meet up with my old band VIP Party Boys for the first time since we broke up on The Tyra Banks Show! Tension was tight at first! We were gonna go to the Guggenheim but decided to go to Barney’s instead! In the end it was just like old times!

Time to go back to livin my Hollywood DREAM! Luv Yaz, Mean It!

If You Seek Holly

Dear Tell All,
Today I shopped till I dropped at all the casino Malls. Then I met up with my newest BFF/Mommy, Holly Madison. I don’t know if you remember but she adopted me at Kendra’s baby Shower. Just like Madonna I spend most of my life lookin for a Mommy Figure! I may have found her!

We ate at one of my fave NY spots brought to LV, Serendipity 3!!! I’m got stuffed with cold hot coco!!!

Later we went to see Holly star in PeepShow! I was excited to Aubry too….but she called out sick again…. Also, can I just say that Josh Strickland is a TOTAL HOTTIE! I usually don’t get crushes on other gays who like to entertain…but I can’t deny this one! Maybe he will give me vocal lessons!!! I’m really excited to see Holly’s new TV show! I heard a rummer that she may run for Mayer of Las Vegas!!!! EVERY THINGS COMING UP HOLLY!!!!!!

If You Seek Jonny

Dear Tell All

I literally  got off the plane from London to LA and now I’m already  en route to Las Vegas wit my gal pal Kyung to see the LAST Britney Spears Circus Show!!! I’m gonna have to recycle some Fashion Week looks!!! AmApz outfitted some of the looks so I got to do a backstage tour! My new buddy Latisha who is Brit Brits wardrober showed me ALL around! I got to meet the clowns and Brits famous Cousin Felicia…you may have remembered her as the teacher from the Baby One More Time Vid!!!! When I was in the quick change I kikied with Jordin Sparks but could not fid Brit ANYWHERE! I know one day we will duet together so I’m not stressed!

The Show was Major! Brit is such an inspiration for and up and coming It Girl Pop Sensation like me!!!

It’s a Small Small Faggy World

Dear Tell All,

Today is my my last day in Jolly ol’ London! My BFF Jeremy is doing a special meet and greet in honor of his Adidas line at London’s answer to Max Field, Selfridges!!!! Speaking of shopping, beauty and retail, I decided to check out my Daddy’s stores during the day to make sure they were in tip top shape! While there, I picked up two American Apparel hotties to join me, Jonas and Lisa.

Along the way I thought I spotted the Octo-Mom and I started screaming “OCTO MOM OMG” it turned out it was Pete Burns!!! She was NOT into me!!! What a laugh!

Later, at the event i ran into a blast from the past, Mr. Conrad Venture, Larry Tee’s Ex BF, who also did this zine called Useless, which happens to be first cover The Misshapes graced and my first editorial! How uncanny! My story lies deeper than the zine.

A long time ago Conrad took me to see Broke Back Moutain, I laughed at the sad parts and after the movie he bought a Christmas tree and made me help carry it to his apartment and he never texted me since! An It Girl never forgets! So right as he was getting my BFF Jeremy’s autograph i decided to jog his memory…he was all “i don’t remember that ever happening” and im all “yeah right” and he was all “even though I don’t remember, I have always liked you…from a far” Ugh AS IF! The moral of the store is this: Its a small small faggy world and you never know when your gonna run into someone you ditched esp when they blossomed into a jet setting It Girl. After that I met some fun new friends, got my She-Wolf on and went nuts till security tried to kick me out!!!!

Later that night DJ Geo also got his He-Wolf on:

Goodnight!

Queen of The Glitter Ball

Dear Tell All,

Now I know how MiMi feels!! So tonight we decided to fore go all fashion parties and go to a real London Night life party….it not that different! There was like the STRICT dress code…the swooped Pablo, my twin and Jeremy right it cause hes like a totally important designer, but the Door Queen was like toats giving me, DJ Geo, Leigh and Gerry a hard time cause we didnt have anything sparkly or glitter on….once she knew who she was dealing with she let us right pass the velvet ropes! To our supprise there was to be real Paris is Burning type of walk off…..you know I HAD to enter, but first we had to improvise cause my new Cry Baby look isnt as over the top and my threads of the past! Right then and there everyone started tieing  balloons and disco balls all over me till i couldent see….basiclly till I looked like Leigh Bowery’s dingleberry.

Long story short yours truly WON the contest and I was the belle of the ball…Queenier than the Queen of England.

After that I got crazy in the DJ booth with my new gal pal…Peaches the singer, not Peaches aka Pinky….she was hanging out with hateful punks again!

Love ya Mean it!

I eat male Models

Dear Tell All,

Wow dreams come true! Growing up I never thought I would make it to front row at a fashion show, let alone being BFF with the designer!  The show was inspired by the Flinstones and I can not wait for that pink bone print perfecto jacket! Jeremy had all the it girls walk in his show! Chanel, Daisy, Pixie, Ash and Cole…speaking of merkins(google it)….it looked like Cole was wearing one!!!

After the show me and Leigh went to the Burberry Party which was a snore so I went to Jeremy’s after party early and solo and on my way in the Paparazzzi bombarded my taxi and I wasen’t even making an entrance with any of my famous gal pals like Kendra or Peaches!!!! I was loving it!  Later on this editor from this mag Neo2 was like totally trying to have sex with me in the dance floor!!!!

As if!!!! I just wanted to do a konga line with Leigh and Jeremy and runway walk to the new Beyonce!!!!

Birthday It Boy

Dear Tell All,

Today is my Birthday and I have been in “The Life” for so long that I forget my own age. No joke! Anyways I’m in the thick of London Fashion Week. I spent the first half of today with BFF Peaches Geldof aka Pinky. We went to show after show with London’s equvilant of Good Mourning America following us on film! I saw Naomi walk and Lara Stone trip! WE sat next to the winner of X Factor Alexandra Burk at the Luella Show and were two people away from Anna Wintour herself and Alexa Chung told me she liked my American Apparel Vintage Frames!!! After the Sienna Miller and Lil’ Sis Show Pinky left me to hang with some punks.

So I met up with Leigh, DJ Geo and Gerry. We lasted 10mins at the Bungalo 8 party and went to their hotel room upstairs for some real fun!  They had room service bring me up a Birthday Cake and I got so excited I used Leighs weave as a merkin (google it) and got my Sasha Fierece on!

Jonny Makeup Loses Control from leigh lezark on Vimeo.

God The Misshapes are making me miss NYC! Nighty Nighty Night! We have an early mourn! My BFF Jeremys Fashion Show….I need to find out what I will be wearing this Spring Summer!!!

OFF STRIKE

Dear Tell All,

Okay I know its been a while and I should not have kept you waiting. I could lie and say the reason I haven’t been updating is because I have been to busy of an It Girl, galavanting around Hollywood, taping episodes of various TV Shows, getting made fun of by the likes of Joel McHale and Ryan Seacrest and getting paparazzied like crazy but the real reason I haven’t been writing is because I was on strike cuz i had a terrible resentment against DJ Geo cause we were fighting over a boy…well I was the only one fighting.

.

Yeah I know, dumb excuse. No emotional gigolo is ever worth risking almost a decade of a friendship over!!!!! So I’m back! back to writing and back to loving one of my Boy BFFs of all time Dinky aka DJ Geo aka Geordon Nicol of The Misshapes. So get ready! I’m leaving town to go to London Fashion week where I  meet up with my boy bestie  and make up for lost time! Let My Tell All Begin….again!!!!!

Why Can All Men Be Just Like My Daddy???

 

Dear Tell All

I get soooo emotional because I love my Daddy soooo much!!!!  Sometimes I’m sooo bad though, and I never wanna take him for granted! Just last week, I really put my foot in my mouth and felt so upset. When he wanted me to go help out in a store, I was being such a brat and told him that I didn’t want to work in the stores because I felt like I should be a lady of leisure like my friend Paris. But later, at the end of the day, I was so proud to go work there because my Daddy did something so magical that really touched me! He invited me to a huge business dinner to show how much he cared. I heard a rumor that some of the businessmen turned their noses up at me and my Daddy’s relationship!!! So he walked me proudly into that meeting and told them that if they didn’t have room for me at the table then to make a kiddie table for me and they did just that! 

When I heard him speak about how much he wants to fight against this bad economy and fight for Made in America and pay everybody that works hard more money, it made me get all teary-eyed!!! Just then and there I thought to myself, in the words of Britney, “I’m a smart person. What the Hell was I thinking???” When my Daddy wants me to help at a store, I’m gonna do it!!! Just because I’m an internet celeb/ spokes model/fashion maven/reality TV star/ aspiring pop star it doesn’t mean that I’m too good to help out at the stores!!! I said it before and I will say it again!!!! I love you Daddy! Mean it!!!